Powdered Sugar Purgatory

Mom Guilt can be a terrible thing.  A terrible, oppressive, suffocating thing.  Even when we are doing at best a great job, or at least the best job we can, Mom Guilt can creep in and rob our joy by causing us to focus on all the things we AREN'T getting done instead of all the things we ARE!  This past week, I was able to move past some serious Mom Guilt and free myself to actually enjoy a week that, year after year, strikes fear and anxiety in my heart.  A week that I often secretly refer to as "Hell Week".

Hell Week for me is not a reference to fraternity initiations or three-a-day sports practices.  Sadly, it is the week that my two oldest daughters celebrate their birthdays.....two days apart.....and two days after the frenetic kid-candy-costume-fest that is Halloween.  Every year, no matter how much planning goes into Hell Week, it is always, well, you know.  Any time I get too busy, its really hard for me to live in the moment and enjoy the things that really matter. Despite the fact that I should enjoy celebrating my girls' birthdays, every year during this particular week, I'm usually swamped with costumes, candy, piñatas, giggling girls (think slumber parties), and baked goods galore (think Halloween AND birthday treats for school plus birthday cakes for the parties---all times 2!).  When its all over, I'm usually exhausted, and both myself and my kitchen floor are covered in a fine (OK, thick) dusting of powdered sugar. 

I have always baked my kids' birthday treats from scratch.  Always.  I have made castles and ducks and horseshoes.  Sponge Bobs and snowmen and ponies.  I have fashioned cupcakes into hamburgers and pumpkins, brownies into fairy wands, and ice cream cones into things too numerous to name.  I have built cakes out of donuts, cakes out of ice cream, and cakes out of carved slices of other cakes.  With the birth of our first son two years ago, I have branched out into baseballs and tractors as well.  I have possibly, quite literally gone through hundreds of pounds of powdered sugar making homemade buttercream icing for all of these treats.  Powdered sugar is always flying around our kitchen this time of year, and believe me, that stuff is hard to clean up!  I've found it not only all over me and the floor, but on the cat's back and in the baby's ear just to name a few unlikely places.  Every year, about halfway through Hell Week, when I'm in the midst of trying to complete the Halloween treats, the school treats, and the party treats,  I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of powdered sugar purgatory, from which I may never escape!

This year, as I was calculating how many pounds of powdered sugar to purchase for the numerous "festivities", our daughter Maya threw me for a loop when she requested a guinea pig cake for her birthday slumber party.  This shouldn't have come as a surprise, because she is guinea pig crazy, for reasons that really deserve a post of their own, so I will not digress.  Now despite all my years of cake creation, I am not a super talented cake artist, and frankly, the idea of trying to create a guinea pig cake under the best of circumstances struck fear in my heart.  Considering that her slumber party was scheduled for the night of November 1 (meaning I would be baking and creating this guinea pig in the less than 24 hours I would have AFTER trick or treating and BEFORE the slumber partiers arrived), a guinea pig cake was more than I could fathom.  So I did something I have never done.....and never thought I would ever do.......I hired someone to bake the cake.  Cue Mom Guilt here.

Now this may seem silly to you.  You may think I am ridiculous for feeling guilty about this.  Maybe you always hire someone to make your kids' cake.  Maybe you buy it from Wal Mart.  Maybe you order it from Dairy Queen.  That's great!  There's no judgement coming from me about this!  Believe me, this is ALL about me and my own personal hang up.  I know you've got one or two or ten yourself.  This just happens to be one of mine.  I am the mom who bakes all of her kids cakes from scratch.  Its what I do.  Its how I show my love and devotion.  But somehow, twelve years and four kids later, something that started out as a thing I wanted to do, and more importantly, that I ENJOYED doing for my kids, turned into something I HAD to do.  And once you HAVE to do something, you stop cutting yourself any slack.  You stop allowing yourself to be flexible; to change plans; or to go with the flow based on the current schedule.  Sadly, not only had I started to dread the girls' birthday cakes, I was including the activity in something that I actually called "Hell Week".  Ouch. 

So I took a deep breath and I called upon a talented friend from church who had no qualms about creating a guinea pig cake.  I felt guilty about it all week.  I felt like I was copping out and letting my daughter down.  I dreamed about guinea pig cakes and I how I might be able to create one after all.  And then....... I went trick or treating with my kids around our neighborhood.......I went to our church's Harvest party for trunk or treating.......I visited with old friends and met a delightful new one.  And then, since I wasn't preoccupied by the fact that I had to go home and bake, I actually ended up having fun!  Later that night, I didn't rush into the kitchen and begin flinging flour and powdered sugar around the room.  Instead, I helped the kids sort and trade their piles of candy.  I tucked them into bed without rushing.  I listened to Maya recite in precise detail how every minute of her slumber party was going to play out the next night.  I rehashed the kindergarten Halloween party at school with Adelynn.  I debated with McKenna about the best costumes at the church trunk or treat.  My mind was clear and focused on the conversation and not distracted by what all I still had to do and how late I was going to be up.  And then I went to bed and got a good night's sleep.  The next day I calmly prepared for the party---no yelling, no rushing, no craziness, no flying powdered sugar.   When I opened the box to reveal the most adorable guinea pig cake I could have imagined to my precious girl, she was nothing less than thrilled.  She wasn't judging me.  She wasn't feeling let down or less loved because I hadn't slaved over the creation myself.  Nope.  And the Mom Guilt just disappeared. 

Now this doesn't mean that I will be hiring out all the family birthday cakes from now on.  What it does mean, is that if I need to, I will.  If circumstances are crazy and time is short, and we have a few dollars to spare, I certainly won't feel guilty if I hit the cake counter at Wal Mart.  The whole experience reminded me of something most parents already know deep down.  The best gift we can give our kids is our time, our attention, and our happiness!  If the very important "thing" we are trying to do for them is making us grumpy, angry, anxious, or stressed, its most likely not such an important thing after all. 

I guarantee whether you are a mom or not, there are things you do simply because you've always done them.  You probably started doing them for a really good reason too, but somewhere along the way the reason was lost in your own powdered sugar purgatory.  One of the literal definitions of purgatory is "a miserable situation; an extremely uncomfortable, painful, or unpleasant experience."  Hmmmm.  Certainly there is no joy there!

Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control."  If I have no joy, how can I say I belong to Christ?  The choices we make, even with the small stuff, about how to spend our time and energy will reflect whether we belong to Christ or to the world. If the things you are doing for the sake of others are joyless; if they are sapping your strength, making you depressed, causing anxiety, making you scream at your kids, I say, free yourself from your powdered sugar purgatory! CHOOSE JOY! 

Signs

I used to believe in signs.  Random signs to help make simple decisions such as what to wear:  "When I opened the closet door, this red shirt fell out, so it must be the right choice!"   Signs to lessen the sting of minor (or major) annoyances: "I can't find my car keys, so it must be a sign that I shouldn't be going to so and so's house right now anyway."  Sometimes even signs to guide major life decisions:  "God, please give me a sign to let me know where I should go to college!" (Yes, I really did ask for that.  No, Willie the Wildcat did not appear to me in a dream singing the Wabash Cannonball to help make my decision any easier. Fortunately, neither did that weird Nebraska Cornhusker guy.  So I flipped a coin. Not really, but almost.)

 I think the fact that I am naturally a person who struggles with decisions created a "sign watching" habit in me from an early age.  When deciding makes you extremely anxious, its much easier to let something else decide---think of flipping a coin or drawing straws.  When you're looking for "signs" you don't feel quite as responsible for the outcome of your decisions either.  There came a day when I realized it didn't make a lot of sense to make decisions based on random signs that could be open to interpretation.  Not to mention the fact that sometimes the shirt just falls off the hanger because some lazy person didn't hang it up correctly! Now that I am a Christian, I am still open to the idea that God may occasionally choose to guide us with "signs".  BUT, that can be a VERY slippery slope, so I most definitely do not sit around expecting (or even asking) God to direct my path by sending me "signs" that I may or may not notice and may or may not interpret correctly when and if I do notice them.  That being said, I think there are "signs" every day that can and do influence us.  Are they just coincidences?  Random occurrences?  Our weak attempts at justifying our own thoughts and desires through observations of the world around us?  The voice of God?  Certainly I am not able to answer that question, and if I could answer that question, I think the answer would be different for every person in every situation.  But in my case, once a sign watcher, always a sign watcher I suppose.

So what do "signs" have to do with my abandoned blog? My abandoned workout plan?  My abandoned kitchen sink? Well, I gave up blogging for two reasons, and believe it or not, neither of them really had anything to do with being lazy.
 
ONE:  I was sick.  Really sick (which doesn't happen to me very often) and by the time I recovered enough to get the more important things in my life back in order (laundry), I was so far behind in my blog that I was overwhelmed (hmmmmm, this sounds familiar).  I had set so many goals for my blog---write once a week, work out regularly, clean the kitchen---that once I got off track, I was discouraged and wanted to give up.

TWO:  As much as I really enjoy writing, blogging felt a little vain, right from the start.  "Who am I to write stuff about my life and then ask people I know to read it and care?"  Why does anyone else care what I am (or am not) doing?  It REALLY began to bother me.  This is an odd thought process, because I enjoy reading other blogs and don't tend to think that the bloggers are vain.  If I DID think the bloggers were vain, I would most likely quit reading their blogs. 

I have often thought about my abandoned blog this year.  Going about my day to day life, as different thoughts passed through my head and different experiences happened to my family, I would think, "I would like to write about that."  Sometimes, I would want to write to get a better grasp on my thoughts or to help me think through an idea or problem.  Sometimes I would want to write to simply preserve a great memory for the future.  And sometimes, I would even want to write because I thought someone else might actually find it funny or interesting too!.

So a few weeks ago, when I randomly ran into two different people (neither of whom I had seen in a few years), at two different events, and they both asked me about my blog, I was a bit surprised.  I mean, it wasn't like I was blogging for months or years and my avid followers were devastated by my unexplained disappearance. Was this a "sign" that I should keep writing?  The old me would have thought yes, but the more mature me chalked it up to coincidence.  But when it happened again last week..........well, a girl can only ignore so many signs. 

I'm not exactly sure what I will write about and definitely not sure how often I will write.  Probably a bit about my sort of clean kitchen.  Maybe a few things about my random workouts.  Possibly more about my family or my faith.  I think the main thing I've figured out from all of these recent "signs" is that I'll probably do most of my writing simply for the sake of writing.  Because I enjoy it, whether or not anyone is reading it at all. 

So now, I leave you with this:  Is there something in your life that you used to really enjoy that you have abandoned in the last few years?  Is there room for it in your life now, even if you have to change it up a bit to make it fit?  Would it be worth it?  Would it hurt to try?  Maybe this is your sign. 

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

I cannot believe it.  I am sick.  Not the flu, I am sure, as my daughter had the same thing last week, but rotten enough that I can't muster the energy to work out.  Awful cough, achy, stuffy head, exhausted.  I really am rarely sick.  I don't think I have been to the doctor in eight years, other than to have a baby or two or four.  It seems impossible that just when I am being consistent about working out, I come down with something that sends me back to the starting line.  Two steps forward, two steps back. 

The 3-mile run last weekend went great.  I maintained my 11:30 pace and my goal was to run 2 to 3 miles at least 3 days this week and then bump up to 4 miles for my "long run" this weekend.  After that, I was going to continue with 2 to 3 mile runs during the week and a 4 mile run on the weekend, focusing on increasing my pace, for as long as it took to get down to 10:00 mile pace for 4 miles.  After that, my hope was to continue with shorter runs during the week, speeding up pace.  In the past, when I have been on a "getting in shape binge", I have always focused on increasing miles, but this time, I would like to work on running faster, so I didn't plan on taking my long runs beyond one hour, which would be no more than 5 to 6 miles at my original 12:00 pace.  Sounds like a great plan, doesn't it!

But now, I am sitting here like an achy lump of lumpiness, wondering if I will be able to even get a decent walk in this weekend.  So sad.  And with this cough, I'm not sure how long it will take to get back to where I was, which wasn't very far.  I guess I will go back and read my post about "Embracing the 12-minute mile, because I think will be needing to do that for awhile.

The good news is, my kitchen is still clean!  My great family has been helping a lot, especially last night when I was exhausted from working all day despite my illness.  I operate under the assumption that I am completely irreplaceable at my job, so I probably owe an apology to a number of people who sat in my office while I tried not to cough on them.   You have about 7 days to know if you are in the clear. My Dear Husband, who holds down the home fort after school on Thursdays, prepared an awesome  Chili Verde Enchilada concotion and someone who wasn't me cleaned it all up!

As Dear Husband and the 3 girls are taking in a basketball game tonight and baby boy is asleep, I am going to go fill my neti-pot, drink my Airborne, take some Benadryl, and dream dreams of running like the wind toward clean kitchens under a rainbow in the distance.  In actuality, I will probably dream about snakes because of the cheesy snake/submarine movie I watched on the Syfy channel while the kids napped today.  I would typically avoid a snake movie and would definitely avoid a submarine movie (two of my major phobias)  But this "Snakes on a Sub" movie sucked me in because it starred Luke Perry from Beverly Hills 90210 and the girl who played Billie Reed on Days of Our Lives for a few years back in the '90's.  Ironically, and sadly, these were  two shows that I used to watch back when I COULD actually run like the wind.  Plus, I LOVE to watch cheesy Syfy movies when I am sick.  Maybe I will wake up and a miraculous recovery will have occured.  I hope so, because I am dying to continue my audio-book.  No listening unless I am working out!  NO exceptions!  Not even for sickies.

Solve The Problem

Greetings!  I am happy to report that this lazy mom is still running and still keeping the kitchen clean, with the help of the Dear Husband and the children.  It took a few days for them to notice that the kitchen was suspiciously clean every evening.  At one point, someone was curious enough to ask, "Do we have company coming over tonight?"  I replied, trying to not sound offended, "Not that I know of."  And of course you know what the curious spectator said next...."Then why are you cleaning the kitchen?"  Sigh.  I didn't know whether to laugh about this or cry.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but then again, laughter is the best medicine.  So I laughed and explained my goal to go to bed with a clean kitchen every night for 66 days.  After a long silence, a small voice asked, "Do we have to help?"  "No, but it would be nice. I replied"  At which point I turned around, and discovered that the room was empty.  Apparently misery doesn't love company.

However, I have discovered that I'm not actually miserable.  It really only takes a few minutes to clean the kitchen because surprise, surprise, now that I KNOW that I HAVE to clean it every night, I keep it cleaner throughout the day, AND I have been focusing more on "cleaning as I go" while preparing supper, AND I do typically require the young 'uns to help out with the dishes as long as I am not being lazy and putting it off until the next morning, AND I have a husband who helps out.  I am blessed in that way for sure!  Last night, I was sooooo tired from my run (seriously, I am not joking about that) that he told me to go ahead and get in the shower while he cleaned the kitchen for me.  He was watching a "very important basketball game" at the time, so I proceeded to ask him if he was sure that he was going to do the kitchen, because if not, I really needed to get it done before my shower, or I would be very tempted not to get it done at all, and it absolutely must be clean TONIGHT.  He looked at me like he had never seen me before in his life. 

So the kitchen project is moving along quite nicely, if I do say so myself.  As far as the fitness project, I did come across a minor problem.  Have I mentioned the treadmill in my basement?  Have I mentioned how much I detest the treadmill in my basement?  Have I mentioned how much of my last 2 years of laziness I have blamed on the detested treadmill in my basement?   Due to the fact that it is January, and we are on a tight budget, I knew I was going to have to face the treadmill in my basement. 

I'm not sure if I have mentioned that I am actually a registered dietitian, specializing mainly in helping folks lose weight.  I almost exclusively focus on helping them learn to do this through proper diet, but of course, I encourage them to exercise as well.  Eat less, move more, blah, blah, blah.  Yes, most people have heard it before, but I have discovered that everyone who comes through my door (including myself) carries a list of "problems" that they have decided are the reason for their current state of affairs.  Many of these problems are legitimate roadblocks.  Many are excuses.  The bottom line is this:  YOU HAVE TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.  You have to solve the problem whether it is a true roadblock or a finely crafted excuse.  You have to solve the problem because to make a change in your life, something has to change. 

So after taking my friend's advice about never going to bed with a clean kitchen, I took my own advice about solving the problem. 

Problem/Roadblock/Excuse (as heard in the run-on sentence form that things in my head tend to take):  I detest the treadmill in my basement and really don't want to try to rework the budget to be able to join a gym right now and even if I did none of the gyms around here provide childcare which means I would have to get up really early in the morning to go and I am just not a morning person at all so then I would just be wasting all of that money anyway.

Solution:  Make the treadmill in my basement less detestable.

Solve the problem, solve the problem, solve the problem.  Sounds simple enough.  My first thoughts were to watch TV or listen to awesome "pump you up" tunes while running on the treadmill.  However, my family was not enthused about the volume the TV required to be heard over the roaring treadmill.  Ear buds and some rockin' music with a great beat is a wonderful solution for some people, but for me, music only really helps when I am already in shape and can run HARD.  In my current state, music like that just reminds me how slow and slug-like I am and it literally makes me want to cry and give up.  Solve the problem, solve the problem, solve the problem.  It was at this point, I remembered that my crazy-running sister used to listen to audio books while doing her long marathon training runs alone.  Audio books!!!  Yes!!!  Books that I can only listen too if and when I am working out!!!

It only took me 3 hours to figure out how to make this happen without spending ANY money!  I felt a powerful urge to just give up somewhere in the 2nd hour when my neglected five- and one-year-old began to demand some attention, but I turned on a movie, handed them a box of crackers, and pushed on.  Yay, technologically challenged, me!  I solved the problem and now I am dying to get going on my second "audio-run", so the rest of the story will have to wait for another post.  I'm going to bump up to 3 miles this week, but its okay, because my book awaits.  Well hello, Mr. Treadmill.  So we meet again.

Embracing the 12-Minute Mile

I accomplished my first run this weekend, and I couldn't have picked a nicer day.  Beautiful, 50-degree weather here in the Midwest!  That seems crazy for January, but is really par for the course around here, as is the high of 25 degrees that is forecast for today!  One extreme to the other, kind of like me.  I was just grateful that I was able to run outside and not have to face the dreaded treadmill in my basement.  I laced up my 2-year-old Avias, donned my 15-year-old Nike windbreaker, and headed out with a goal of 2 miles without stopping, no matter how slow I had to go.  Since I hadn't run in over 2 years, other than a brief 5-week period of motivation this past summer, I tried to keep my expectations low.  This was good, because even with low expectations, the 12-minute mile left me feeling a little discouraged.  At first.

I have decided to join the modern age and use the "Map My Run" app on my phone, to track my route, distance, speed, and calorie burn, so I could see my pace right from the start.  My thoughts went something like this:  12:00 pace??? What!?! Are you kidding me??? Grrrrrr.  It made me angry to be going so slow, so I picked it up to a 10:30 pace, which mentally made me feel a lot better, for about 1 minute.   At that point I realized that I was going to have to pick one goal for the day, either run 2 miles without stopping, or run at 10:30 pace (10:30 meaning a 10.5 minute mile for those who may not know much about running).  So I decided to embrace the 12-minute mile rather than beat myself up over it.  After all, its a lot faster than not running at all, which is what I have been doing!  I slowed back down, put my phone in my pocket, and tried to relax and enjoy a run with no performance expectations.  I embraced the 12-minute mile.

I took a route around the pond in the middle of town, so enjoyed the scenery, the sounds of birds, and the cool air in my lungs.  It did feel good to just be MOVING!  And when I did check my phone at the approximate 2-mile mark, I discovered I was already there, and my pace had averaged out to 11:30!  I felt pretty good, but resisted the urge to run the rest of the way home, knowing if I wanted to get another run in over the next couple of days that wasn't completely miserable, I needed to not overdo the first day.  So I walked the rest of the way home contemplating what I really want to try to achieve in my quest to get fit.  As much as I would love to come to a place where I can just enjoy an activity in the moment, as I did with that first run, I know myself well enough to realize that I WILL need to set a performance or competition goal to keep moving forward in the long run.  I have seen that as a negative thing in the past, but it is who I am, so I need to embrace that too.  Let it work FOR me instead of AGAINST me as I realize trying to be something I'm not just causes the paralyzing anxiety that leads to my laziness.  All in all, it was a great first run.

2 miles...check!  Embracing the 12-minute mile.....check!  Waking up to a clean kitchen for 3 mornings in a row.....check! 

The Best Advice I Never Took

I am a fan of advice.  I like to give it.  I like to get it.  I have received a lot of advice over the years, some good, some bad, some I applied to my life, some I ignored, and some I ignored but thought it was good enough to pass on to others.  "Ahhh, she's lazy and a hypocrite", you are probably thinking, but that would be incorrect.  I may be lazy, but I am honest. So when giving this type of advice, I always include a disclaimer indicating that it is advice I WISH I had followed.  "The Best Advice I Never Took" was given to my dear husband and I as part of a game at a couples wedding shower.  The advisor was the hostess, who happened to be the mother of a dear mutual friend, as well as the owner of a beautiful and immaculate home, so she most certainly had the credentials to be doling out cleaning and organizing advice.

On a quick side note, I thought about giving this post the title, "The Worst Advice I Ever Took", which is actually the opposite of the actual title, in case you didn't notice.  That is a very entertaining story, but unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the focus of this blog, AND it would involve airing dirty marital laundry, AND it might hurt the advisor's feelings if the advisor ever happened to read this and recognize the advice as his/her own.  Did you see how I just hid even the gender of the advisor, thus reducing the odds even further that I might hurt his/her feelings?  That is good advice for anyone.

So without further adieu......."The Best Advice I Never Took" i-is...... NEVER GO TO BED WITH A DIRTY KITCHEN!  (fanfare).  You're disappointed aren't you.  Sorry, its the truth.  To some of you, this may be common sense, but if you are lazy like me, it is advice.  More nights than I care to admit, I go to bed with a sinkful of dirty dishes.  Did I mention that in the "confessions" post?  Sometimes, it is due to legitimate busy-ness, and with 4 kids, evenings are definitely always busy around here.  Which leads to the next confession that I "forgot" to confess earlier: I watch waaaaaaay too much TV.  Hopefully that is not a huge surprise, because don't all lazy people watch too much TV?  Once the kids are in bed, even if the kitchen is still messy, I will plop on the couch and watch nothing in particular, sometimes for several hours.  Ugh, confession can be ugly.

Going to bed with a dirty kitchen means waking up to a dirty kitchen.  I could go on and on listing the reasons a dirty kitchen first thing in the morning is bad idea, including the fact that its just kind of disgusting.  But in an effort to keep this post at a reasonable length, I will get to the point.  It lets the whole day get away from you before you've begun. Since I am a runner. Since I used to be a runner. Since I am a runner at heart, I will use a running analogy. It's like lining up on the starting line for the 400m dash and choosing to stand there for 5 seconds after the gun goes off. You might end up running a good time. You might end up beating a few people. If you're really talented, you might even win. But you'll never know how good you could have been if you had started with the gun like everyone else. When you start your day with a dirty kitchen, you have all of the usual things on your list for the day, PLUS you have to clean your kitchen!  Playing catch-up is a dangerous way to try to win a race and a ridiculous way to start your day, because sometimes, you never catch up!  And when you never catch up with your daily responsibilities, do you know what happens at the end of the day?   A little TV sounds good, a few potato chips, a couple of chocolate bars to push away the anxiety about everything you didn't get done.  The next thing you know, you're not only lazy, but ten pounds overweight too, and your kitchen is still a mess!

So, as my first step to conquering my lazy tendencies, I am going to finally consistently put into practice, the best advice I ever received.  I have heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, however, it appears this is a myth.  After reading a couple of articles that may or may not be reliable, it appears that 66 days is a better bet.  You can check out one that summarizes what I found at http://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/hbrc/2012/06/29/busting-the-21-days-habit-formation-myth/.  Am I really going to vow to go to bed with a clean kitchen for 66 days in a row? YOU BETCHA!!  Starting now!  You didn't think I cleaned the kitchen before I started writing did you?  And if that's not biting off more than I can chew, tomorrow morning, I will literally be "Lazy Mom Running", because I will be going on a run.  To all of my lazy friends out there, think about picking one of your lazy habits to tackle along with me.  I would love to hear about what you've chosen...........if I survive my run.  Stay tuned.

Confessions of a Lazy Mom

I am lazy.  L-A-Z-Y, lazy.  I am out of shape.  More often than not my house is a mess---not the general clutter generated by small children in a small house, but actually dirty---crumbs, cobwebs, fingerprints.  I haven't worn my hair down and styled since some time before Halloween and I believe my last haircut was in July.  I haven't spent any consistent quality time in the bible since before the baby was born, and the "baby" will be 16 months old on Friday.  Don't get me wrong; I AM busy, which can explain some of the general clutter in my life, but the fact of the matter is, I am lazy. 

I know lazy is a strong word but I am not using it lightly or in jest.  I am admitting, out loud (okay, not actually out loud, but you get the idea) that I have a major, core character flaw and laziness is its name.  I am lazy based on the basic, definition of the word:



la·zy  

/ˈlāzē/

Unwilling to work or use energy. Characterized by lack of effort or activity.

In my spare time, which DOES exist, I AM the above definition!  Since I know and believe that the first step to change is admitting you have a problem, I have tried to confess this before---to family, to friends, to strangers I make conversation with in random places.  Generally, people laugh me off or pat my hand and tell me I'm doing a great job.  After all, I am a wife, mother of four, part-time registered dietitian, Sunday school teacher and volunteer at church......  My life certainly has enough people and activities to keep me more than busy, and I do appreciate that the people who know and love me want to make excuses for me.  But even legitimate excuses are still excuses.  I am lazy. It is odd really,  because looking back on my life, I have accomplished many impressive, interesting, and worthwhile things; therefore, I do not usually appear lazy to the casual observer, or often, even to those close to me. Most people who know me, especially in my younger years, would say I was highly motivated and extrememly driven.  I was valedictorian of my high school class, was a scholarship track athlete at a Division I University and graduated with a degree in Dietetics.  I have run a marathon, gone skydiving, married my high school sweetheart, birthed four children without the aid of an epidural, and developed a real relationship with Jesus Christ thanks to a wonderful group of ladies who took the time to introduce me to him.  I do valuable and worthwhile things every day at home, at work, at church; but in my spare time.....in my down time......I am lazy. I have lots of great ideas and great intentions for the future as well. I want to compete in a triathlon, repaint my living room, take time to visit people at our local nursing home each week, plant a garden, teach my girls to sew, create scrapbooks for my children and grandchildren to "remember when", adopt an orphan, plan a surprise party for my husband's 40th........What?  He turned 40 last November?  Uhhhhhh, okay, that is a perfect example of what I am talking about.  Great ideas, great intentions, very little follow through. Why is this????  I do have some insight into the deeper answer, as why we do the things we do is not always simply explained, but that is for another day, or days.   For now, the simple answer WILL do........at my core, I am a lazy person.   I label myself lazy because it is true.    Ouch.  The truth hurts. Therefore, today, as I take the first step of the rest of my race called life, I ask that you join me.  My only promise is to do my best to be honest as I attempt to tackle projects and goals that would typically send me into a frozen state of anxiety and indecision.  If you are lazy too, let's support and encourage each other on in this race.  If you are a "get it done" type, then please offer suggestions and insight.  (please?) Whew!  Confession is good for the soul!  Now that I have all of that off my chest, I need to finish getting the Christmas tree down and put away.  Why are you laughing?  Do you think that I'm kidding?  If I weren't too lazy to figure out how to post pics on here, I would prove it. I am a lazy mom running........where to, remains to be seen.