I used to believe in signs. Random signs to help make simple decisions such as what to wear: "When I opened the closet door, this red shirt fell out, so it must be the right choice!" Signs to lessen the sting of minor (or major) annoyances: "I can't find my car keys, so it must be a sign that I shouldn't be going to so and so's house right now anyway." Sometimes even signs to guide major life decisions: "God, please give me a sign to let me know where I should go to college!" (Yes, I really did ask for that. No, Willie the Wildcat did not appear to me in a dream singing the Wabash Cannonball to help make my decision any easier. Fortunately, neither did that weird Nebraska Cornhusker guy. So I flipped a coin. Not really, but almost.)
I think the fact that I am naturally a person who struggles with decisions created a "sign watching" habit in me from an early age. When deciding makes you extremely anxious, its much easier to let something else decide---think of flipping a coin or drawing straws. When you're looking for "signs" you don't feel quite as responsible for the outcome of your decisions either. There came a day when I realized it didn't make a lot of sense to make decisions based on random signs that could be open to interpretation. Not to mention the fact that sometimes the shirt just falls off the hanger because some lazy person didn't hang it up correctly! Now that I am a Christian, I am still open to the idea that God may occasionally choose to guide us with "signs". BUT, that can be a VERY slippery slope, so I most definitely do not sit around expecting (or even asking) God to direct my path by sending me "signs" that I may or may not notice and may or may not interpret correctly when and if I do notice them. That being said, I think there are "signs" every day that can and do influence us. Are they just coincidences? Random occurrences? Our weak attempts at justifying our own thoughts and desires through observations of the world around us? The voice of God? Certainly I am not able to answer that question, and if I could answer that question, I think the answer would be different for every person in every situation. But in my case, once a sign watcher, always a sign watcher I suppose.
So what do "signs" have to do with my abandoned blog? My abandoned workout plan? My abandoned kitchen sink? Well, I gave up blogging for two reasons, and believe it or not, neither of them really had anything to do with being lazy.
ONE: I was sick. Really sick (which doesn't happen to me very often) and by the time I recovered enough to get the more important things in my life back in order (laundry), I was so far behind in my blog that I was overwhelmed (hmmmmm, this sounds familiar). I had set so many goals for my blog---write once a week, work out regularly, clean the kitchen---that once I got off track, I was discouraged and wanted to give up.
TWO: As much as I really enjoy writing, blogging felt a little vain, right from the start. "Who am I to write stuff about my life and then ask people I know to read it and care?" Why does anyone else care what I am (or am not) doing? It REALLY began to bother me. This is an odd thought process, because I enjoy reading other blogs and don't tend to think that the bloggers are vain. If I DID think the bloggers were vain, I would most likely quit reading their blogs.
I have often thought about my abandoned blog this year. Going about my day to day life, as different thoughts passed through my head and different experiences happened to my family, I would think, "I would like to write about that." Sometimes, I would want to write to get a better grasp on my thoughts or to help me think through an idea or problem. Sometimes I would want to write to simply preserve a great memory for the future. And sometimes, I would even want to write because I thought someone else might actually find it funny or interesting too!.
So a few weeks ago, when I randomly ran into two different people (neither of whom I had seen in a few years), at two different events, and they both asked me about my blog, I was a bit surprised. I mean, it wasn't like I was blogging for months or years and my avid followers were devastated by my unexplained disappearance. Was this a "sign" that I should keep writing? The old me would have thought yes, but the more mature me chalked it up to coincidence. But when it happened again last week..........well, a girl can only ignore so many signs.
I'm not exactly sure what I will write about and definitely not sure how often I will write. Probably a bit about my sort of clean kitchen. Maybe a few things about my random workouts. Possibly more about my family or my faith. I think the main thing I've figured out from all of these recent "signs" is that I'll probably do most of my writing simply for the sake of writing. Because I enjoy it, whether or not anyone is reading it at all.
So now, I leave you with this: Is there something in your life that you used to really enjoy that you have abandoned in the last few years? Is there room for it in your life now, even if you have to change it up a bit to make it fit? Would it be worth it? Would it hurt to try? Maybe this is your sign.
